Thursday, November 10, 2011

Survivor's guilt?

Mama guilt. 

We all have it. Some of us, like my Catholic mother, become experts at passing the guilt on to their children. But I feel confident in saying we all experience it in some form throughout our parenthood journey. Those of us who go back to work feel guilty for leaving our kids (at least I do). Those who stay at home have different triggers.

Mine feels like a whole new breed of Mama Guilt. That of the mother who survives a child.

I have heard so many times "losing my baby has made me a better person" and I've commented before how I didn't feel that was necessarily the case for me. Another gem that seems to pop up a lot is "I've become a better mother since my baby died".

Another one that just doesn't seem to ring true for me. It should, though. I mean, once you have buried a child, surely you understand just how precious and amazing a gift your living children are....right?

Well of course you do.

However. Having said that...your precious darling treasures will still drive you crazy with their incessant whining. As mine has today. It has been a hard work day. And I have yelled. And then I felt guilty. And then I walked past photos of my Starbaby and felt doubly guilty.

Because I love my kids. But my WORD can they drive me insane.


  1. Thinking of you. It's normal to have a hard day, but I'm sorry that thinking of Starbaby makes you feel worse. Hugs!

  2. This post really hits home for me. I'm feeling the guilt right now, but seriously WHY do my kids fight constantly and scream for an hour over nothing? Grrrr.

  3. It's easy for me to imagine now that when this baby of mine comes, I will be so grateful to have a healthy, living child that I'll cherish each and every moment with her - that I'll not take anything for granted, and that I'll be the most perfect mother that has ever graced the face of this planet. But of course this is ridiculous. I know we all have bad days, and you are entitled to them just like every other parent on the planet. Although I haven't had the pleasure yet, I know that parenting is ridiculously hard work. I am sure you have nothing to feel guilty about and are a fantastic mother, even if you do have to yell every once in a while. *hugs*



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