I'm a little behind in posting. Apologies for all the backdated entries!

I was offline (literally) for a while and just haven't found the motivation to post since returning. It's supposed to be good for you...going offline. Having some time in a region where there is NO INTERNET COVERAGE. Not for me. I was feeling quite wrong actually! These here interwebz have been my home for over 9 years now. I started my first website 9 years ago (scary thought) and my first "blog" 7 years ago...so for me, going offline, really offline, is like chopping off a limb!

But I am back now. I have lovely photos of our time away that I can't wait to share with you all, and some stories too, including telling all about our Manny catching his first fish (snapper) at age 20 months!! Stay tuned...

I have so many resolutions flying around in my head, but it is SO EASY to just step right back into that rut and settle down back into old habits. I came across a paper I was meant to file at Motor Reg late last year and I felt the panic attack start. I simply have to clear the slate and get everything up to date so I can start the year right (even though we're already nearly a week in! *breathe* *breathe* *fight the panic!!*)

I had wanted to start the year on a really organised note. I wanted to have everything all sorted in my physical life, so that my head might settle down and I might relax a little. I feel like I've been on hyperdrive for so long now...I need to slow down before I crash. So my one main aim right now is to organise this house from top to bottom. It's proving a lot more challenging than I anticipated.

I have, however, finally listed some of the furniture taking over our house on eBay so hopefully by next week that will be gone. It's hard to fight the urge to light a match in our garage though. It would be so much easier if it were all gone! I'd leave the door open and hope it would all get stolen but knowing our luck, no one would want any of it!!

The no yelling policy is taking some time to get used to but I think it is going to be great. If we can stick to it. So far Rocket has done all the dishes every day and cleaned the top floor a few times so definitely allocating chores instead of yelling is paying off for us!

*sigh* You know if I didn't have to go back to work next week I think I could do a lot better on all of these resolutions...but c'est la vie...bills must be paid and my children insist on eating every single day so what can you do?

Limbo is only acceptable if you are on a cruise ship

Ugh limbo land.

So, I got my new contract yesterday, including my "pay rise". It was insulting to say the least. They have introduced a lovely little restraint of trade inclusion (sneaky snacks) which I will NOT be signing off on, and the "pay rise" that I was teased with is INSULTING. I sat back quietly for FOUR YEARS not asking for anything, and accepting when I was told our wages would freeze. They offered 4% increase PLUS I can no longer be paid for overtime as our average overtime was included in my payrise. Are you kidding me here? So I am expected to work longer hours for approximately $14 a week after tax. Oh and that includes my "pay rise".

I went in and very quietly and politely exploded all over them. They are now reviewing it and I have to wait two weeks to find out what they are going to do about it. Dammit.

I was all fired up last night - to go in this morning and ask for them to stop insulting me, and if they said "no, that's what you are getting" I was handing in my resignation there and then.

But now I have to wait in limbo for two weeks. Shittiest two week wait ever. Why does my life revolve around two week increments? HONESTLY. Cut me a break here.

I was actually getting excited, Lou and I talked about it last night and we could survive with me not working. I would be working from home and doing the odd jobs I used to do when I was at uni. I was excited...thinking of my life as a SAHM full time.

The worst part is that I was just waiting to get my contract, because as soon as I got it I was going to drop down to two days a week, because my household and family are suffering with me working 3 days a week. But I can't even do that now as I have to stick at it while they review me. And if, by some miracle, they do give me a higher wage increase...then how do I turn around and drop my hours after fighting them to treat me like a loyal employee? Oh the dilemma.

So I'm in limbo land yet and the two week wait again, and we aren't even ttc at the moment!

thinking patterns

I seem incapable of completing a full thought at the moment. My mind just skips from one thing to another. For example. I tried to sit down to write a post here and this is all I can come up with:

(1) It seems ominous that my Google Reader is sitting at 666 right now. This means two things (a) I am way behind on blogs atm and (b) clearly Google is the devil.

(2) I am only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant why do I look 12 weeks pregnant? I feel like a hippopotamus, damn bloating.

(3) I am so unproductive at work it's ridiculous. I'm about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle (or as my mother would say "as useful as a fart in a jar") I am constantly distracted, and feeling like passing out or feeling completely queasy 24/7

(4) It seems to follow suit that I am entirely unproductive at home too. My house looks (again in my mothers words "like a brothel") I maintain that I've seen some brothels that were cleaner than my house right now. Must. Get. Productive. Soon. Or I fear I may lose a child under all the clutter and mess...

Wits End

I feel like a fraud.

What am I doing having another child when my eldest is in such a state?

Every day seems like a struggle. He is generally a good kid. Well, I think so. But he is constantly in trouble at school. I am at my wits end. Apparently he is disruptive, and answers back, chats non stop and jumps all over people (literally). Nothing I say has any impact. He doesnt do his school work because he is too busy being silly. I have spent the last three years trying to get him to change his behaviour and I dont know what more to do! It seems like it all goes in one ear and out the other. So I try to shock him into changing (you know, telling him they will suspend him from school [which they actually said they will do soon!] or telling him he will go nowhere in life if he continues to misbehave and choose to be silly and naughty) but it has NO IMPACT whatsoever. But do something like tell him to go to bed without watching Masterchef and he bawls his eyes out!

I feel like everything I try to do with him, I'm doing wrong. I have no idea how to handle him and his behaviours, and now I'm thinking "what the hell are we having another baby for?!?"

I need help but I dont even know where to get any.

Good Morning - a contradiction in terms

Hello my pretties.

I have a number of posts in the works - including some tutorials on the decorations I made, and the party favours I slaved over at 2am. I told my partner "Next time I decide to go all etsy on a party...SLAP ME."

You know the worst part? I didn't even get a photo of them all lined up before they were given out! My partner says to me "oh well you'll just have to make some more and take photos of them!" I couldn't work out whether to cry or to slap her!

It's a difficult morning this morning. On a good day, I am not a morning person. But today is not a good day. Monster is still waking at all hours of the night with his little cough and it's wearing me down! This morning it was so difficult just to open my eyes, I stumbled out of bed and barely made it to work on time. Actually, truth be told I was 10 minutes late and Rocket went to school with left over party food in his lunchbox! Ah the shame, the shame.

I just went to the bathroom though and caught sight of myself and did a double take. Is that what I look like today? I almost cried (again...I get teary when I'm tired!) How embarrassing. My hair is unwashed and looking limp and terrible, my face is pale (and not in a china doll way....in a pneumonia patient way) my eyes look tired and the outfit is just barely passable. I ran back to my desk for my emergency fixer upper supplies...only to find someone has pinched all of my bobby pins! I had to make do with one hair comb and some bright pink lipgloss. Again I say ah the shame, the shame.

I guess I should actually do some work...all my party photos are at home so I will post them when I get home from work tonight - If you're here from ICLW - check back on me later today!!

xxx

one last thing - a small request. My soul sister - a fellow DBM with 7 little starbabies of her own, is pregnant with her long awaited little girl. She has entered a contest with one of her belly photos which I just adore. Please go to her blog and follow the link to vote for her beautiful photo of little Stella in utero :)