Wednesday, May 26, 2010

thinking patterns

I seem incapable of completing a full thought at the moment. My mind just skips from one thing to another. For example. I tried to sit down to write a post here and this is all I can come up with:

(1) It seems ominous that my Google Reader is sitting at 666 right now. This means two things (a) I am way behind on blogs atm and (b) clearly Google is the devil.

(2) I am only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant why do I look 12 weeks pregnant? I feel like a hippopotamus, damn bloating.

(3) I am so unproductive at work it's ridiculous. I'm about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle (or as my mother would say "as useful as a fart in a jar") I am constantly distracted, and feeling like passing out or feeling completely queasy 24/7

(4) It seems to follow suit that I am entirely unproductive at home too. My house looks (again in my mothers words "like a brothel") I maintain that I've seen some brothels that were cleaner than my house right now. Must. Get. Productive. Soon. Or I fear I may lose a child under all the clutter and mess...








Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Nonsensical

My stomach is too sensitive atm.
I made the mistake of eating chocolate.
Now I feel like I might barf.
My desk is covered in papers to file.
This also makes me want to barf.

Barf barf barf...it's a funny word when you see it written down isn't it?

I've made it past 100 in the ICLW list (working backwards of course so really I've only read 68 blogs so far) I wasn't going for Iron Commenter, just getting caught up in everyone's stories...but maybe I might actually make it this month!



Monday, May 24, 2010

Reflections and Good News

Look at me posting twice in one day.

That last entry was hard for me to write and I had to hit publish straight away before I lost my nerve and deleted the whole thing. But the fact is I have memory problems and the more I have written down the better, for me to go back and look at.

After calming down and talking to Mim about everything, I can see things more clearly. My meltdown's over his behaviour come generally because of silly little things - tonight it was because we were told that he was making kids cry at after school care because he was playing handball and basically being a little Franco (dictator) about "his" rules because it was his ball and he was being over the top bossy. And when one of the carers confronted him about it apparently he lost his shit and started yelling at her, which I will. not. tolerate. I raised him better than that, to have more respect than that.

But after some quiet reflection tonight, I know three things.
(1) I have a tendency to over react
(2) I was a bossy ass kid too who had few friends until I grew up a bit in high school
(3) He is not a "bad" kid, and I need to remember it could be worse and this too shall pass.

He actually reminds me of a mixture of me as a child and my childhood best friend. My best friend was universally disliked by all the teachers for being a smartass and disruptive, but he has turned out ok in the most part. I was quiet and teachers loved me but other kids, not so much, because I was so bossy.

I have decided to take a step back and not go mental every time he does something. He is an 8 year old boy after all. I need to just focus on loving him and helping him where I can, and letting go and letting God in other respects. He is on a limited diet to help control his behaviour, and I think its time to take him to the naturopath to see if theres something more we can do.

He is a lovely big brother and generally a good boy and I love him. I just hope he outgrows this stage! I just need to keep repeating my mantra - I love my family, I can do this! Look at them, they are worth it!

On a happy baby note - I have a scan on Thursday to check that everything's where it should be and whatnot. Three more sleeps...I am bloated as all get out and definitely feeling pregnant so fingers crossed it's all good news.

Speaking of good news - I am celebrating twice as hard for my very good friend who has just got her BFP after almost 3 years of trying! Now if my other bestie would get her BFP (due to test next week) it will be like winning a trifecta - I can't imagine anything better than going through it all with two of my most special friends - 3 IVF BFPs can you imagine anything better?



Wits End

I feel like a fraud.

What am I doing having another child when my eldest is in such a state?

Every day seems like a struggle. He is generally a good kid. Well, I think so. But he is constantly in trouble at school. I am at my wits end. Apparently he is disruptive, and answers back, chats non stop and jumps all over people (literally). Nothing I say has any impact. He doesnt do his school work because he is too busy being silly. I have spent the last three years trying to get him to change his behaviour and I dont know what more to do! It seems like it all goes in one ear and out the other. So I try to shock him into changing (you know, telling him they will suspend him from school [which they actually said they will do soon!] or telling him he will go nowhere in life if he continues to misbehave and choose to be silly and naughty) but it has NO IMPACT whatsoever. But do something like tell him to go to bed without watching Masterchef and he bawls his eyes out!

I feel like everything I try to do with him, I'm doing wrong. I have no idea how to handle him and his behaviours, and now I'm thinking "what the hell are we having another baby for?!?"

I need help but I dont even know where to get any.




Sunday, May 23, 2010

10 things you never needed to know.

So every month I promise myself that I will write a proper ICLW introduction post. Or one of those fancy A-Z things. Or, you know, anything. And every single month...the 21st rolls around (at the same time every month) and I am woefully unprepared. This month is no exception.

So instead, here are 10 random useless facts that have no bearing on anything at all. Ever.

(1) my mother never bought me a trampoline. Said they were too dangerous. So instead as a small child I used to climb up a 50ft pine tree and bounce on the branches. Which do you suppose was more dangerous? She would claim that clearly the trampoline was still more dangerous because I never fell out the tree, did I? She'll go to extreme lengths to be right.

(2) I was an odd child. My favourite books when I was in 3rd grade were Agatha Christie novels. My son, who is now 8, reads comics and books with fart jokes. Ahh the differences between boys and girls. Actually, come to think of it, he has the same reading tastes as my 29 year old future wife. So perhaps it's just that I was exceptionally odd. Or that they both are. Lets go with that last one shall we?

(3) I am not afraid of heights, but I am afraid to get too close to the edge of a balcony or anything where I could "fall" off, as I have always been scared that one day I might snap and throw myself off a tall building.

(4) I am double jointed in most of my fingers. This is a direct result of having most of my fingers dislocated time after time as a child. Playing netball outside in the hills while it hails and snows will do that to you. I rather enjoy the double jointedness though. Bending my fingers in funny ways and waving them in my mother's face is the quickest way to gross her out. And one of the only ways I could get her to leave me alone as a child. Dislocated fingers FTW

(5) I have changed my name legally about 3 times (and plan on at least one more soon)...

(6) I am both hyper and hypo glycaemic depending on the day of the week, and my body doesnt make iron stores meaning I am pretty much constantly anaemic

(7) I spent years as a child insomniac and used to climb out my window at 2am and sit down by the river...or sing to the cows (when we lived on a farm, clearly) and climb back in my window at 6am. My mother was none the wiser

(8) I had lived in three different countries and visited 12 before I turned 21. I went to high school in Italy and University in Spain

(9) I am hopelessly addicted to Iced Coffee and must have one every day

(10) This is the last non pg photo of me taken by my Rocket before school a few weeks ago. He loves getting hold of my camera and telling me where to stand. How jealous are you of my flamingos in my front yard. And my caravan. More on that to come ;)



Saturday, May 22, 2010

Comfort Food

I have recently rediscovered one of my old favourites - brown rice with ABC sauce (kecap manis). Oh the deliciousness. I have no idea if anyone here has even heard of ABC sauce (its probably not available in the US) it's a sweet soy sauce. And it's my favourite dessert :)

I've often been told I have odd tastes in food (avocado and vegemite sandwiches anyone??) but I don't know what they're talking about...I have AWESOME taste

So, dear readers, what is your favourite comfort food - does anyone tell you you're wierd for your food tastes? Please share!



and if you can find kecap manis in your country...seriously try it on its own with rice. It's a taste sensation :)



Tuesday, May 4, 2010

May the Fourth





May the Fourth be with you ;)





Monday, May 3, 2010

Tidal Wave Suzy

So Tidal Wave Suzy hit tonight. There are some things I just can't let go. And this one is for life so it's not like I could sit back and let it happen without at least knowing that I had said my piece. So I made the move. It was....interesting. I think SIL would change the name but it looks like her partner is unlikely to let her. If the looks of hatred directed towards me are anything to go by, I'm pretty sure the response I would have got from her partner is more along the lines of a punch to the face rather than understanding.

At least everything has been said now (two years worth of dramas came out tonight) and I feel so very sad for my SIL who I love dearly. So very sad because until things change with her partner and us this is likely to be a permanent thing, us not speaking to one another.

On a happy note, we had more good news from the lab today with our egglings but I'll report all about that tomorrow. Oh and I'll tell you all about spending time in hospital with my eldest and the ongoing saga of health problems that have me baffled...stay tuned ;)

And to end with a Quick Question...is there anything that hits your self esteem like losing "followers" on google? I mean I only had 14 it's not like I had any to spare!! Am I that boring?




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