on feeling mediocre

I feel lost, and in a rut. The weekend saw another of my birthdays come and go, and all I can feel is that yet another year has passed me by with no change, just with me going through the motions.

I haven't achieved anything, haven't changed any of the things I wanted to over the last year. I still have no passion, no drive, no real focus. Every day is the same. Work, home, chores, tv, bed.

It's just. so. normal. It's so mundane. I need something bright, something interesting to focus on. I tried the photography thing. But my poor little ego is too fragile and I take things too personally. And I am moderately obsessive. And a total perfectionist. No photo is ever right, ever the way it's 'supposed to be'. So I spend hours obsessing over every edit. Then days obsessing when I finally send out the photos - when the person doesn't contact me straight away all I can think is "they hate them! They're disappointed and they think I'm crap. I am crap. I should never do this again".

So the photography thing didn't really work out....

I have to keep telling myself that the fact that just about everyone in the blogosphere is writing a book, or starting a business, or making a fortune off their blogs - does not mean that I have to. Plenty of people lead perfectly monotonous lives and are perfectly content with them.

Why aren't I?



I haven't been focussing on anything in particular lately. I haven't been working on our renovations, I haven't had any sort of project on the go. I think that contributes to my general feeling of melancholy and rut-ness. I get this way periodically. I think also that spending so long actively trying to conceive has taken its toll. We have quite literally spent the better part of a year and a half undergoing fertility treatments one after the other after the other, pausing only each time I conceived, and starting again straight after each miscarriage. The only time we truly paused was when we went on our spur of the moment trip across the planet. And now, here I sit, possibly hopefully done with them for at least (please god) a year or so - and it feels like we have dedicated so much to the process, forgetting everything else.

It feels like waking up from a very long, tedious, boring nightmare to be honest with you.

Traditional Honey Biscuits (Cookies)

Thank you for the kind responses on my last post. I always dread hitting "publish" on posts like that for fear of being judged. I know there are so many people out there ttc their first baby for years, and here I am with two live children...complaining! But as always things are more complicated than at first glance. And I thank each of you for your support and love :)

As you are all such good little readers...your reward is my favourite recipe of all time! These are what we gave out as favours to all our friends who came to Monsters Birthday party - in cellophane bags with a thank you tag.


Traditional Honey Biscuits
(I believe in the US they would be called cookies rather than biscuits)
(And because I love you all, I'm even going to put it in metric and imperial measurements!)

This recipe makes lots, and I mean lots of biscuits. Super simple recipe too.

You'll need to melt together in a saucepan:
500g (18oz) Honey
500g (18oz) light brown sugar
3 tablespoons of butter

Then remove from the heat and beat in:
3 eggs
1 teaspoon of powdered cloves
2 teaspoons of mixed spice
2 teaspoons of bicarbonate of soda
1 kg (2.2lb) plain flour

I recommend adding the spices to the flour and mixing the flour in slowly (1 cup at a time).
Cover the bowl and leave it overnight.Roll the dough out in batches and use cookie cutters to make fancy shapes - or - roll into balls and flatten on the tray. You need to make sure they are at least as thick as this ^^ or they will be hard and way too crunchy! But hey, if you like your cookies thin and very crunchy...go nuts!

Bake in a moderate oven (160C / 320F) for approximately 15-20 minutes.

The traditional icing (frosting??) we use is egg white, icing sugar and lemon juice, but a thin ordinary icing works fine too. We actually don't ice them anymore, my Rocket is sensitive to sugars so we limit them wherever possible, and we've discovered we prefer them plain!

The Puppy Party - part one

The Table:

We had puppy paw prints leading up the driveway, through the entrance and up the stairs to the party. This was great as it meant we did not have to run downstairs to open the door every time someone arrived...they all followed the paw prints!


The banner I made - ignore the "blank" ones - I removed his real name (clearly his real name is not Monster! *gasp* SCANDAL!!)

You can see my Martha Stewart efforts paid off with my pompom there - I have a tutorial on how I made them coming up in a few days - they were very easy!


The Great Wall of Monster. Birth to his First Birthday - my favourite photos. This was a real hit with our guests who spent a lot of time oohing and ahhing over the cuteness that is Monster!


Every table at every party needs fresh flowers. These are from our backyard...very handy...and in the co-ordinating party colours!! And a thankyou in a frame. My favourite part of the decorations.


One of my favourite creations! I printed out the design, my partner laminated it and put double sided adhesive on the front and we stuck the design on the back of clear plastic plates. So simple but SO effective. Will definitely be doing this from now on for all my parties!



A standard at all my parties are dips with pita chips. Simply take a pita bread, and use a cookie cutter to cut shapes out. Stick into the oven at a moderate temperature for about 6 minutes. So tasty and so much healthier than fried potato chips! I have cookie cutters for all occasions...its one thing I spend my money on when deciding on a theme...co-ordinating cookie cutters! I have quite a collection now!


One of the small tables on our roof deck with some dress ups for the kids. I also had home made playdough (in a co-ordinating colour of course!!) and musical instruments for the kids and adults to play with.
Party bags and favours. I designed and made all of the co-ordinating stationery items - the party hats, the blowers/horns, the water bottle labels, the gift bags etc. using the puppy paper I posted earlier. The bubbles had stickers of easter pictures on them...it was easy to make stickers out of my designs to go over the top! I do wish I had managed to find a set of all green bubble tubes...so it matched ;)


These were the favours we gave out to everyone who attended (only the kids got gift bags). They were very well received and SO SIMPLE to make! I actually plan on posting this recipe later in the week, it is a traditional family recipe (from the german side of my family) for honey biscuits. They are divine. I've been having one with my morning cup of tea every day this week!


And of course...the BIRTHDAY CAKE! Isn't it a hoot? I've tried so many times to make fancy shaped cakes for all sorts of occasions and they never turn out the way they look in my head. This one came out perfectly and was so incredibly simple. Everyone thought it was fantastic and laughed a lot too. Monster loved picking the cocoa bombs off the top and eating them!



Last but not least...these are the favours I made for each child at 3am the night before the party! They each got to adopt a puppy, I made adoption certificates and got them to sign them and name their puppy. This is what I meant when I said NEVER AGAIN! But they were so darn adorable that it was worth it!


More photos to come later in the week of more party goodness...and the recipe and a few craft tutes too. Oh and stay tuned for my massive IVF rant...yeah good times over here!

man the party stations!

It has been a very, very long week!

To sum it up - the little Monster got sick Monday night, which meant I had to take Tues and Wed off work. Good timing, no? Lots of time at home to do party stuff, right? HA! Not so much. He was stuck to me like a koala in a cyclone. There was no putting him down for anything. So not too much was actually achieved during my days at home.

Then Friday my mother was taking both boys overnight so we could prepare the house and all the party decorations etc...and on her way home she rings me "do you think Monster could have whooping cough?" I googled it while she was on the phone, and despite the fact that he has been immunised against it, I was instantly convinced that's what he had. I threw my hands in the air and wanted to cry. "All for nothing!" I raged. "All those 2am nights getting party stuff organised and I'm going to have to cancel! Our interstate visitors are coming for nothing!"
So I downed tools and declared the party OFF. Sat down and ate chinese while watching Transformers instead.

Took Monster to the Drs on Saturday morning, where the Dr laughed at me and told me "dont be silly thats not whooping cough. He will be fine for his party!"

Cue me returning home screaming "Man the party stations! All hands on deck!" and trying to make up for the 16 hours of sulking I had done instead of preparation.

I was up until roughly 3am on Saturday night...then as I was going to bed Monster woke up crying and kept me awake most of the rest of the night.

Sunday morning was panic stations. There were cupcakes to be made, a birthday cake to be made, and cut, and decorated, 2 dozen quiche to be made, food to be put out, more pom poms to be made, party hats and party bags to be put together, balloons to be blown, kennel to be cleaned, etc etc ad nauseum.

And then..........80% of people didnt show up.

And I was so exhausted and out of it that I barely remember any of it. All in all, disappointing and enough for me to declare "NO MORE PARTIES" last night.

But let's be serious. I adore parties. Most of the fun, for me, is in the planning.
The whole no-one turning up thing though...I could definitely do without :(



party photos, crafts and how-to tutorials to come tomorrow :)

One Whole Year of Monsterish Goodness

It is so hard to believe, but my ickle baby Monster is officially one year old today. To be honest with you, I was never sure we would even make it this far. The pure terror of losing him has faded, but we still check on him four or five times a night.

He is such a funny little rabbit. He smiles constantly and can light up a room.

It is impossible to be cross at him, as he endeavours to make you laugh constantly.

He is obsessed with animals, in particular dogs and birds. If he sees one his eyes widen, and he points while shrieking "ooh ooh OOH".

He thinks his eldest brother is hi-larious (oh dear) and has a curious fascination with anything that was his star-brothers (decorations, toys, outfits, photos).

He adores sushi. I gave it to him once (as a joke) and he wouldn't give it back!

He is now walking more than crawling and can say "Mama" but no one is sure he even knows he is doing it!

For his birthday he had a morning tea complete with dog bone shaped cakes, lemon crisps and arrowroot biscuits. He had special birthday sushi for lunch and a trip to the markets and walk at the beach.

His big party is still to come in a few weeks time.

Happy Birthday
Little Monster

We love you so much.


Imge Used Copyright Hallmark Coutts Canada 10 B 181-6

Decisions, decisions

I am in Dilemma City at present.

I am planning my Monster Baby's first birthday bash and...well...I keep changing my mind on theme. Parties are a BIG. DEAL. in this house and the theme is the most important thing to decide. Once that's done it's easy. I've been hemming and hawing for WEEKS now and have been told invitations must. be. done. today.

Problem is...I'm still undecided on theme!

So help me out, dear internets.


OPTION A - Puppy Dogs. MB is crazy mad in love with dogs. He stands at the window and squeals while banging his hands on the glass whenever someone walks one past our house. Even books with pictures of dogs make him squeal.

OPTION B - Little Monsters. This is a no brainer...he is my little monster, and I've come across the cutest graphics to use and adorable party favours.

I keep going from one to the other, back to the first one, changing my mind...it's driving me nuts! What do you think?

Another Year Older

I cannot believe that my big boy is turning eight years old today.
Why it seems like only last week my 17 year old self was learning of his existence and wondering (a) how I would finish high school and (b) just how fat would I get and could I still go to hardcore gigs?

And now he is eight years old. Going into third grade this year. With a face full of freckles and a wild mane atop his head as he refuses to let me cut his hair at the moment.

He is so clever, but with a memory like a sieve. He can remember how to put together a 2000 piece lego set from memory but could not tell you what he had for lunch. He both drives me slightly insane and fills my heart with pride. He is the gentlest soul, with a serious obsession for My Little Ponies and a huge love for his mommies. He is a doting big brother to the little bruiser and proudly tells everyone "this is my little bro".

Happy Birthday my sweet big boy. I cannot wait to see what you come up with next.