back in that old routine...

Once again I find myself in that old place.
Telling myself that I'll do xyz as soon as .... (insert current crisis here)

We are now officially living with my mum. It is less painful than expected. She does work a lot, and in recent years she has come to understand and respect that I am an adult with my own life. I think she is liking having people around, but not loving the noise of two boys (one unable to control himself and the other a toddler!!) particularly at the 6am wake up time each morning :)

As a result, we do not have our Christmas tree up. I have done no Christmas baking, and no Christmas crafts. I have done no Christmas decorating of any kind. It's quite unbelievable if you know me because ordinarily Christmas is a big deal for us.

The fact that I am now officially unemployed and we face financial uncertainty has made the decision to renovate and sell our house pretty damn pressing. It has gone from "yes we should reno and sell that" to "OMG WE HAVE TO SELL IT NOW SELL IT NOWWWWW"
Yes, it keeps me up at night. Frustrates the hell out of me at the moment because I am completely, physically unable to do anything renovaty-related.

I am still daydreaming about all the things I want to do. I am still spending hours on Pinterest pinning things I want to do, make, create, be involved in. But I am not doing anything about it.

Like usual, my thinking is "when I get over ... I will get right on that".
First it was "once this IVF is over"
Then it was "once I get over this miscarriage"
^ repeat the above ad nauseum.


Okay taking a minute to say HOLY OUCH CHILD THAT HURTS! It feels as though the bebe is sitting resting its feet on my hip flexor and just kicking the crap out of it. Feels literally like a knife in my side. Is it January yet??? Jeebus.

Anyway. Wah wah wah I'm sick of being lazy...but not enough to do anything about it ;)

Declaring bankruptcy

no, not literally (thank the gods we are not at that point yet). I'm declaring an internet bankruptcy.

I did not have the headspace to deal with anything beyond what I had to do on a given day for the last month or so - the idea of blogging, reading blogs, twitter or facebook (beyond my random updates on my personal page) was just too much to deal with. I did not respond to emails unless I really had to - I have barely been keeping up with text messages, it's been bad.

Today I feel like I can finally open the computer again (the only internet I've been using is on my phone!) and dive back in, because I kind of miss it. I do love me some interwebz, but I am glad I took the time off.

So I have cleared my inbox, marked all items as read in my google reader, and started on a clean slate. Lets see how long I can keep it up...my life is still pretty chaotic!

more changes

Last week I lost my job.

We are all still reeling over what this will mean for us. I am in a better position than many of the other 11 redundancies announced the same day...but still. Just when I feel I can't handle any more thrown at me, the universe decides it needs to shake things up again!