Friday, October 29, 2010

breaking point

Like a fever, my depression broke at about 8:30pm last night. I reached my breaking point, I yelled in the middle of the shopping centre, and I got better.

Manny rewarded me by keeping me up all night. Thanks little dude.
He is being awfully cute today though, driving his wooden trains up and down my arms making "woo woo" noises so all is forgiven.

I just felt the most overwhelming sadness yesterday. It all came to a head when I felt I had to cancel my tattoo appointment, and my artist, my friend, got pretty upset about it (she's had a lot of cancellations lately and is really struggling financially). I burst into tears and cried fairly uncontrollably for most of the day. We were each the straw that broke each others back.

Grief is an unpredictable beast. My mental health is fragile on a good day, and two years out from the death of my boy, I'm still not having as many good days as I'd like. I've felt it building for a long while. A long while. I do feel like it peaked last night, and I'm hoping I'm on my way out of it now.

Thank you for continuing to come here and give me love when I need it - I'm going to try to make it back to everyone's blogs and pass on the love :)



8 comments:

  1. *hug* Glad you're feeling better ... but don't be too hard on yourself ... grief doesn't really pay attention to timelines.

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  2. More love coming your way! I'm glad to hear you're starting to see the surface.

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  3. Woman you owe us nothing but the task of taking care of yourself.

    Be careful you don't get track marks on your arm. Did I really just say that? And I call myself a mother. Shame on me.

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  4. Big hugs, Suzy. I know depression quite well, though not babyloss. It creeps up so insidiously and wacks you on the head so hard and ruthlessly. take care:)

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  5. Definitely sending you lots of love. Depression is a bitch - I know, too well. Hugs to you!

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  6. Sending you hugs. Sorry you are in a dark place right now. I was quite surprised that you weren't able to get medication right away if you feel like you need it. It seems most doctors hand it out like candy these days. I hope you'll soon find something to lift you out of this, whether its medication or something else.

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