on Being Good at Everything

I've mentioned before that I was known as Little Suzy OverAchiever at various times throughout my life. Basically because academically - it came easily. And being the perfectionist that I am, I spent roughly twice as long perfecting the look of something (style over substance) and making it perfect. So I was always near the top of the class. But in the rest of my life I fall firmly into the average category.

On a scale of 1-10 I fall around 5. For everything.

There are very few things in life I have attempted that I cannot do, or cannot do fairly well (certain sports fall into this category,). I'm average at everything. I am "good" at everything. But there is nothing that I excel at.

LOML (love of my life) excels at sports. That's her thing. And when she's on, she's on. She is a force to be reckoned with. But me?

I'm good at architecture and design. I can create nice looking designs and average plans. My work was always near the top simply for the aforementioned fact that I am a perfectionist obsessed with aesthetics and I wanted it to look pretty. That made it stand out. But my designs were ordinary, and took a lot of thought.

I'm good at writing - but not great. I'm not that insightful, and the depth I reach in my writing....yeah, see that puddle over there? It's deeper than I am. I'd like to be the kind of person who reaches people with their words. My main ambition in life was to be a brilliant author, from the time I was 6 years old. But truth be told? I'm just not a great writer.

I'm good at photography - but not brilliant. I would like to be...but I'm not. I fluke a few great shots but I'm not consistent.

I'm good at baking and cooking - but not brilliant. I try to be...but I'm not (and a lot of my success comes more from my mother having perfected certain recipes over the last 40 years than my own capacity as cook)**

I'm a good mother but not a great one. I know people who were born to be mothers. They are dedicated and loving 100% of the time. On a good day I average 45% love and patience. On a bad day it hovers somewhere around -10%.

I have friends who are brilliant artists. Their art is all they need and all they do. It's all they focus on. I have friends who were brilliant at architecture. They came out with madcap, amazing, incredible designs off the top of their heads. I have friends who are spectacular dancers/photographers/designers/sportspeople/writers the list goes on. For those people, their talent, their skill is clear, and apparent and they can dedicate themselves to perfecting that art.

I have nothing. I can do just about everything that I try. But I'm not really good at anything. Which is something I struggle with. There are a hundred things I enjoy, that I would like to pursue, but I struggle with the feeling that there is no ONE THING that I can do, better than anyone. I want one thing to focus on.

Am I the only one?
Does it even matter?



** on the upside I've never come up with anything like this beauty: