Most of you would probably roll your eyes and move on. I was intrigued. At first I thought it was a show about traditional arranged marriages. I am no stranger to these, as I went to school with a lot of girls from different cultures, and it was not unusual for them to become engaged in tenth grade to a person their parents chose. In one case a classmate became engaged to her cousin in Lebanon when we were 15. They had never met. I was always intrigued by these marriages, and fascinated by them. They all seemed to be happy with it as it was the way it was done in their different cultures.
So I tuned in, thinking "this might be interesting". Turns out that no, it's another american reality tv show. In this particular one, a girl who is sick of dating agrees for her mother, best friend and sister to pick her husband from 6 men chosen by the producers, and marries him, sight unseen, after 72 hours.
Say it with me...W T F?
At first I was morbidly intrigued. What a trainwreck!
Then I slowly became enraged.
Then I cried.
Why??
Because this dumb ass stupid girl can marry a person she has never met, on a whim, almost as a joke, on a stupid ass tv show to get her face on tv. But our government has declared over and over that gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage.
This girl can make a joke of it and will almost certainly be divorced within a year, but I cannot marry the love of my life, the mother of my children, the woman I want to spend my life with, the woman I have made a home with. This girl on tv can make a joke of it all but I have to ask PERMISSION to be allowed to have the right to declare my love and fidelity to my soulmate.
I don't generally agree with divorce (although I certainly understand why people do it, I think that if you make the right choice in partner, it shouldnt be necessary). I believe that you should marry for life. I believe in being faithful. I believe in true love. I believe that God made us in his image, and that he created me and my partner and wanted us to be together. How else could you explain how perfectly we fit together?
And it makes me so sad that a heterosexual white male sitting in an office somewhere can dictate to me how I can express my love for my partner. The minister at our church is gay. She would marry us if she could. But again, a man sitting in an office dictates to her that she cannot marry us. I just dont think it should be up to them...
And I just cannot believe that people STILL claim that it's gay marriage that will ruin the "sanctity of marriage" when there are shows like this all over our tv screens. When will society realise the absolute idiocy and hypocrisy wrapped up in their own inability to see past their baseless prejudices?
Oh Suzy - what a great post. The fact that gay marriage is illegal makes me both ill and sad. It's completely unfair - you and your partner are the best example of a committed strong relationship, and when I think of the rights that you don't have because you both happen to be women, this makes me sad. That's why I'm a card-carrying member and contributor to the Human Rights Campaign!
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the big stink about gay marriage (why people have a problem with it). It sickens me that people still discriminate based on sexual orientation. I think heteros have done quite enough to ruin the "sanctity" of marriage. Did you see the recent study that showed that children raised in lesbian households were psychologically well-adjusted and had fewer bahavior problems than thier peers?
ReplyDeletewww.brandysheaif.blogspot.com
You make an excellent point and one I hadn't thought of before - probably coz you can't do quickie weddings in the UK, you have to give at least 14 days notice. I feel very lucky to live in a country where gay marriage is legal, even if not all churches recognise it. What if you two married abroad? x
ReplyDeletedear suzy.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautifully expressed post.
love is love, and that's how it should be.
there's an old expression ... 'if we lived in a perfect world' ... we are so far from that it is actually tragic.
best of luck to you. i hope one day soon you and your true love will indeed be able to marry, and it won't be such a big deal to people you don't even know who make up the rules.
My husband was raised in a very STRICT catholic family. Over the years, he has become less conservative...especially since he married me. LOL
ReplyDeleteAnyway, his take on the whole gay marriage thing? If you're against it, then DON'T DO IT. But leave alone the people who want to. He says he figures, for people like his parents who are super-religious-right, if one really believes it is so wrong and is a sin, then let god take care of it and stay out of it. LOL
There are so many heterosexual married couples and/or individuals that disgust me. It's not about your gender, it's about your relationship and your commitment.
Hopefully we as a country are headed in the right (ie: correct) direction.
Life is hard efuckingnough without having The Rules against you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your sadness. I am with you.
I have no issue if a church refuses to marry anyone. I'm Catholic, my church wont marry two Protestants. Hey. No problem.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, have a HUGE problem with the government blatantly discriminating against people on any account. Which, in my opinion, is what this is. Homosexuals are being discriminated against on the basis of their sexuality; you dont have to agree with a gay lifestyle to see that (at least, I dont think you do). It's basic black and white. If a court ruled that a black man and a white woman couldnt get married because of racial issues, there would be an uproar. To me, this is no different.
I would rather see legal marriage dissolved and have it as something people enter into, in the laws of their beliefs, than to have people singled out and discriminated against. People who want to live together and have the current type of "married" rights can all go to court and have legal partnerships (if they are sooo great for the states that have them, then we all should), and we should go on about our business.
Love is love. And to me, marriage is something that my husband and I professed before God and no one but God can take that away. No court, nothing. Everyone should have that freedom (which, I suppose they do, it just isnt legally recognized...)
I share your outrage at the mockery of marriage that show was... Really. Disgusting.
wow! what a great post, you made sooo many great and valid points--- sorry that things are the way they are!
ReplyDeleteWow very well spoken. I too have seen that show and can only come up with WTF. I am sorry that your world/life cannot be what you want it to be because of some stupid law. I pray that someday you will get the rights you deserve. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteps - thanks for the freaking fabulous ideas on my blog post today! you rock!!!!
The goverment is always sticking its nose where it doesnt belong. Unfortunatly, this is just a sign of the whole "one goverment" ruling that is bound to happen to the entire world, where we will all be told what to wear, how to wear it, and not to ask why we're wearing it, ya know?
ReplyDelete<3
Yes. This whole post. I wanted to stand up and yell, "preach it, girl!"
ReplyDeleteHere's to a day when things will be different.
ICLW
(thanks for stopping by my blog)
Making a law against gay marriage blows my mind. I cannot understand it, it makes no sense. How is it 2010 and we still don't have equal rights in our country? It's angering and sad, and if I can do anything to change it, I will.
ReplyDeleteHello from ICLW. This is a spectacular post! How anyone can refuse this right to everyone, I can't understand. I can only hope that by sharing rational, logical, and personal stories like you have, people might see the light. I can hope, right??
ReplyDeletePixie
Cheese Curds and Kimchi
Ugh, I totally get this. I was married once before, and when I got divorced I remember thinking "Seriously? Why only straight people? We are the ones screwing up the stats!!"
ReplyDeleteAnd Im living proof of that. Im sorry that you arent given the same opportunites, its not fair. Im hopeful that sometime in the near future this will no longer be the case, and that the rest of society will realize that Love is love.
I completely agree. I've never understood the whole "degradation of marriage" argument myself. It's especially unbelievable when parroted by hacks from Newt Gingrich to John Edwards.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I completely agree with you. It has never made sense to me how two people getting married because they love each other will "ruin the sanctity of marriage." I wish we did live in the perfect world that could see past gender and celebrate love/committment instead.
ReplyDeleteICLW
To be perfectly honest, this may be the most heartfelt, honest and COMPELLING argument I've ever heard in favor of equal rights in marriage. Seriously, I was briefly speechless after I read it (and that's almost unheard of!). The example about the TV show really sunk in. I applaud you for being YOU and for sharing this with us!!
ReplyDeleteThanks much for your comments! I look forward to following along on your journey!
Wow. I don't really know what else to say. I've always felt that the arguments offered by those opposed to equality in marriage were so wrought with holes as to make it quite obvious that they were (barely)attempting to shield their bigotry. This is a really fantastic example of one of those holes! Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I don't think anyone should have to justify their desire commit to someone they love, and I really fail to understand why the government feels it's their place to be the justifiers. Ugh.
P.S. Thank you for your comments on my blog!